Perhaps I need to think of a new default activity. Currently, my default activity is writing in my diary. If I don't feel anywhere near coherent enough to do that, or if I've already done it in the past few hours, my default activity becomes channel-surfing, which is definitely worse.

I keep feeling like I ought to be asleep still. My eyes are all watery and I feel groggy, which is not a normal morning state for me. But I just woke up at 9:22, feeling like it was noon. So I'm up. It's nice to sleep with my windows open and it's nice that it's overcast, because I woke up to a chorus of bird songs rather than to a sharp, piercing ray of sunlight.

Yesterday, rather than walking to the used book store as I had planned, I decided to walk to Barnes and Noble, because it was farther away so I would get more exercise, and because I knew I wouldn't buy anything there. So I went and gazed at Cloud's End and various Neil Gaiman books and The Princess Bride (which I'm ashamed not to own), and then I went to the art section and got a book on fonts, which I read cover to cover. Fonts are so cool. Fonts excite me. I love the way you can use them to change the feel of a printed page, or combine them to make logos. Text design stuff makes me happy.

I also had a smoothie at Smoothie King. It was incredible. Mango juice, orange juice, and pineapple. It cost $3.50, but it was huge. Healthy food costs money. It's a sad fact.

I talked to Curtis again last night, which was good. It's much better than not talking. We laughed and had lots of stuff to say. But I know he's not really comfortable with me. I hope it's something that'll come back with time. I know I can't push it. I just have to wait.

Oh jeez, now I've gone and gotten "You Can't Hurry Love" stuck in my head. Why'd I have to go and do a thing like that?

I had dreams. I usually do. All I remember of one was brushing my hair...

Oh my goodness. I just remembered the rest. I met Hillary. Curtis's sister. I was visiting William and Mary for some reason, and she was there, and I recognized her. I went up to her and said, "Hillary?" And she turned and looked at me and she recognized me, which shocked the hell out of me, and we started chatting, and I walked with her wherever she was going, and I remember thinking, "You're much cooler than I would have expected," but managing not to say it out loud.

Wacky. I wish I could remember what we talked about. I know we had a pretty substantial conversation.

The other dream involved me going to McDonalds with Nathaniel and John. We all stood in the same line, they ordered their food, and then I ordered mine. I even remember that in the dream their manager's specials were McChicken and Filet O' Fish sandwiches for 99 cents. It was almost 11, which is closing time at our local McDonalds. Than and John got their food and went in the other room to eat. I came in with them, but went back to the counter every few minutes to see if my food was ready. Finally, around 11:15 I think, I asked them what had happened to my order. The manager consulted with several of the other employees, then got out a huge glass box, a cube that measured about ten inches on each side, and started filling it with candy. Chocolate covered mints, peanut M&Ms, trail mix, Reese's Pieces: he shoveled them all in with a scoop from the bulk candy section that McDonalds had, for some reason. Then he covered the top of the box with plastic wrap and handed it to me. "Our apologies about your order," he said.

"No problem," I said, "but you can still make it for me, right?"

He pointed to the clock behind the counter. "It's after 11," he said. "Sorry, but we can't do that." He pushed the box of candy toward me and stood there expectantly.

So I took the candy and went back to where John and Than were sitting, munching on the remains of their food. I explained what had happened. I was just about to ask them if we could go somewhere else so I could get something to eat, but I think the dream ended before that.

I live in dreams. I never just have random trippy dreams. They always have some sort of emotional component. What I remember afterwards, better than the details, is how each dream made me feel.

I kind of want to go to church. Not every week, unless I found someplace really cool. But I'd like to go sometimes. I haven't been to church since Christmas, and that's just ridiculous. I have no one to go with. I can't go to a new church alone. It feels like it shouldn't be scary, but it is. Church services are about ritual, and I have to be able to do the rituals right. Especially if I went to Catholic mass. I'd be too worried about screwing something up to enjoy the service.

So it's Sunday, and I'm sitting here listening to the birds, in my pajamas, with no plans for the day. Things could be a lot worse.