It's been a long, slow day.

I took my exam. It went okay. I had lunch with Ronda. I came home, took a nap... about three hours, I think. I actually didn't feel too horrible when I woke up. I read part of Miss Wyoming again -- I'm about to go finish it, I think -- and then Brenden and I ordered pizza from Papa John's and watched Edward Scissorhands. Except I can't really watch it. I love it too much and it hurts too much. I should bring the DVD with me when I go to visit Curtis. In less than a week now. It doesn't feel real.

It would feel real if I could talk to him, but I can't. I hate being cut off. I hate hate hate it and I'm doing my best not to let it get to me. But I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow either, or the day after that. I should study for my 382 exam, and I will. But even that won't take five days.

I can't believe I just ate half a pizza. I'm surprised I don't feel even more disgusting.

I bought a dress today. A beautiful, beautiful long deep blue sundress. I have a reason to look pretty now. Something about believing it possible.

It's raining outside and it sounds wonderful. It cools everything and I can feel the wet air through the window screens. And that rain smell. Ozone and dirt. There was thunder earlier, right before I fell asleep this afternoon. Such a peaceful sound, rain falling everywhere. It's so good to be able to feel that way. Serene. Even if everything isn't just the way I want it.

I am in a prime Coupland-reading mood. Only read Coupland when you feel serene.